Today's subject is Indians. That doesn't sound right, but neither does "Today's subject are Indians", so off we go. 

 I suppose I should clarify which Indians I'm referring to; American Indians, Aboriginal Americans, Native Americans, whatever name you prefer. For the sake of my discussion, I'll just call them Indians. No disrespect intended. Here in South Florida, we have at least a couple of tribes and their reservations. We've got the Mickosukees and the Seminoles, both of which have gambling establishments on their reservations with which to get the white man's money in return for all we took from them. Ok, I don't know if that's true or not. There's probably a lot of non-whites that lose their money there as well. And for reasons which I certainly do not know, it appears that most of the Indians have the last name; Billy. But, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.

These gambling establishments are not your run of the mill, Vegas style places. At least, not yet. They've got video poker, small stakes poker tables, and bingo. I'm talking big time, 6 figure BINGO. What brought this to mind is that the Seminoles have recently evicted a bunch of Canadian snow bird mobile home dwellers to make room for a Hard Rock Hotel/Casino right here in our back yard. Now, I could sit here and just sing praises for them kicking out the Canadians and their mobile homes, but that wouldn't be very nice. The tornados that this will prevent is a public service in and of itself. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about today. I happen to like the idea of having a world class casino nearby. Think of the money that would normally be wasted on airfare which you can donate to the casino! Problem is, the way it stands today, the Indian's gambling establishments are not world class. They don't have what is referred to in legal circles as Class 3 gaming, you know; table games…… craps, roulette, blackjack, and such. Why? I have no idea, and this is where it gets kind of weird. I think it is a Florida state law related thing.

It's worth pointing out that we have numerous boats that leave Florida every day and take people out to international waters (12 miles, I think) and open the casinos. They're called cruises to nowhere. What's the big deal? Who opposes gambling? Is it religious maniacs trying to protect us from ourselves? Leave me the hell alone! The Indian nations are a sovereign people, unencumbered by our ridiculous laws. They should be very happy indeed for that reason alone. They have little stores set up on their land that we can go to and buy cigarettes which don't have federal tax on them. Pretty cool, right? They've got their own government which I believe is actually called a tribal council, their own rules, the whole bit. So my question is: Why do these people, who are not technically a part of the United States of America, allow themselves to have rules dictated to them about what kind of games they can have in their gambling houses on sovereign land? You know, on second thought it's not their fault. Why are our politicians pushing this kind of shit onto them? We have no right to do so, near as I can figure.

I would personally enjoy seeing most of our politician's scalps displayed prominently in showcases at the Hard Rock - Seminole. They are hinting around that they will feature Class 3 gaming in the new Hard Rock casino. I'm not sure how they're going to overcome current laws which don't pertain to them, but I wish them luck. I will go there and gladly pay them back for squaws that my predecessors raped and killed. No problem, gotta do your part The bad news is, I think, that because of the Indians' history with the firewater, they don't allow it in their establishments. I don't know, I may play much better without the free drinks, and they really should consider the profitability aspect of drinking gamblers.

Hit me! jekyl insert john's photo or graphic here