Gather around children, today we’re going to talk about one of my favorite subjects: religion.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. In Orlando, where the only things sacred are mouse ears and dollars, they’ve opened "The Holy Land Experience" a Christian-flavored theme park. It’s 15 acres and cost $17 to get in, which is a far better deal than the $50 it’s now costing you to get into Mickey’s place.

It is the brainchild of ordained Baptist minister Marvin Rosenthal, a Messianic Jew or Hebrew Christian, who considers himself Jewish yet believes Jesus is the Messiah. Huh?!? "We have the right to spread the word of God, just like the Roman Catholics, the Lutherans, and the Episcopalians and any other religious group", Rosenthal said. "If we inspire anyone to dust off their Bible and to consider accepting God into their lives, we'll consider the opportunity a privilege." Yeah, that's what it inspired me to do, as you can see…….. And as I recall, millions of people were tortured and killed the last time the Roman Catholics went about spreading the word of God. The Inquisition, wasn't it?

Inside the park, you will be dazzled by the 3D interactive ride, "The Crucifixion" and take part in a faux stoning of a pesky Jew. In a breathtaking simulator-type ride, you can experience what it was like being eaten by Lions in front of 50,000 screaming Romans. There is also an open-air theater where you can watch a play recounting the first discussion Joseph had with his wife, Mary, after she informed him that she was pregnant, even though they had not consummated their marriage, saying: "it's a miracle". Apparently, he thought that not only was that pretty amazing, but completely divine. The child was named right then when he exclaimed "JESUS CHRIST!".

But to make matters worse, the Jewish Defense League is protesting this worthless park as offensive to them as well as (and I quote) "proselytizing and trying to steal Jewish souls by enticing them to Christianity". I’m not sure what proselytizing is, but it doesn’t sound very nice and could very possible offend me.

Now, I don’t enjoy the Jehovas or the Mormons or whoever showing up at my front door to "steal my Atheist soul", but it doesn’t offend me. What’s wrong with these people? Matter of fact I’m more than a little offended by what Disney is trying steal from me, namely my money.

If it weren't for the various religious factions of the world arguing with each other, killing each other, and condemning each other to various forms of hell, I would be much less amused. Keep it up folks, and save me a spot at the stoning.